Because of my Nigerian Passport is a series on the ways in which I describe the various scenarios in which the Nigerian (applicable to a majority of our other African siblings) passports (and/or Nigeria in general) would significantly alter the outcomes of characters and the plot in a movie or tv series. According to Henley and Partners passport index, Nigeria’s passport is currently ranked 96th in the world and provides visa-free/on-arrival access to 46 countries …and requires an often extensive visa process (Africa’s highest ranking passport is South Africa at 53). This means that basically, anything that includes last-minute or impromptu international travel would be near to impossible. A non-exhaustive list: chasing an international criminal across borders, going to crash the love of your life’s destination wedding (SAPA is involved in this one too).
In honor of Valentine’s Day week (love and light to everyone…except those of you with dual citizenship) I am choosing 2 romantic movies that would help illustrate this point.
Live, love, and laugh at our passports.
L.M.A.O. This one, we can’t even try it. In this movie, starring the incredible Julia Roberts, A recent divorcee decides to traverse the globe to find herself in the aftermath of a midlife reimagining of her life, and subsequent divorce. She goes on a three-point trip to Italy, India, and Bali discovering herself anew, experiencing the different people and cultures, and finding love and inner peace.
So technically, a Nigerian can do this. Cultural and societal pressures aside – will they not take you for deliverance or have your phone buzzing constantly if you woke up one day and left a marriage of 8 years because of “small“ unhappiness? Schengen Visa to Italy is easy enough – a 10-plus item invasive list for information that would put an identity thief to shame. This list includes – a copy of your bank statement, a letter from an employer stating that you have permission and PTO to go on holiday (this one always felt somehow to me), a letter of employment (better not quit your job if you want to go on this trip. So you can’t even do the full eating, praying, loving), flight and hotel bookings, a visa application that asks for family information and biometrics. Basically your entire life. Bali (Indonesia) has similar but even more stringent rules for Nigerians – appearing at an embassy for example and having a sponsor for your trip. India is similar. I estimate you would need to spend six months hating your life while you gathered funds and applied for the various visas. So is it technically possible for a Nigerian to go on a long three-country international trip and find love and inner peace along the way, yes! Dakar, Abidjan, and Kigali are three great options. Just not the three from this movie. You will eat, pray, and love in Africa – which would actually be quite delightful and something we need more of…African Union, call me.
This will be a familiar tale to some of us. In the Proposal, a Canadian exec, played by Sandra Bullock, living in the U.S. has her visa renewal application denied and has to marry her assistant, who she kind of strong-armed, in order to not be deported. The struggle for papers is real whether fictional or not, and even for Canadian executives. Her fake relationship with the assistant eventually becomes real over the course of the movie after the initial period of strife. Normal rom-com stuff.
This movie scenario being unrealistic for Africans isn’t really a case of logistics or visas. It is mostly set in the U.S. and there really isn’t any jet setting. However, the attitude towards certain passports (read citizenships) would have been vastly different. A big plot point in this movie is the fact that an immigration official is skeptical about this sudden engagement and closely watches the couple as they go through the process. Let me tell you something, the moment an African executive showed up to the immigration interview claiming to be legitimately engaged to their assistant, that is the day the green card application would have been denied. The way they would have bundled you out of the country eh. There would have been no “wait and see”, no “I’ve got my eyes on you”, as was the case in this movie. One would have gone from immigration interview to detention to plane to landing in a hot airport anywhere from Kampala to Lusaka. I get it, even as Africans when we see those long-distance dating shows, and that one African and Oyibo couple…I know what goes through people’s minds. For the sake of this exercise, let’s say one somehow got through the first hurdle. In the movie the immigration officer is eventually convinced by their families that they have actually fallen in love and want to get married for real, allowing them to proceed with the immigration process (this is after confessing to immigration fraud by the way but the movie has to movie). With family in Africa unable to help on that front, one should expect to be joining them soon. A plea is not as compelling over WhatsApp group video calls. Not impossible but highly unlikely that this would work even if you add in a little bit of movie magic. Your best bet would be to fall in love fast, move to Canada or come home, and then return – assuming you can even get a visa interview date .*This is not legal -or any other- advice.
African romance movies are often set in one country or involve going to Dubai (which used to offer visas on arrivals for most countries, until recently), and there is a very valid and real reason for that. Our passports don’t allow us to do the things that the characters in these movies can do to find or retain love. Can’t jet set back and forth like the characters in Crazy, Rich, Asians, and can’t decide to just remain in a country indefinitely with our budding love like the author in Midnight in Paris. Add this to the lengthy list of things to blame our leaders for and another reason to Japa. Don’t let your passport stop you from finding the love of your life.
